Yesterday I did something stupid: I lashed out at my girlfriend, and now all I feel is regret. It was one of those moments that gains you nothing and costs far too much.

We’ve been together for 962 days now, almost three years. She has always treated me well. Whenever we argued before, things usually went back to normal by the next day. There had never really been an exception. But this time, when I went to see her, she told me she wanted a few days to calm down, think about the way we get along, and let me do the same.

What happened started on Sunday. I picked her up and brought her to my workplace so she could stay the night, and I would take her back the next day. That was nothing unusual for us. It had become part of our weekly routine.

Before she came, my younger sister had bought a big bag of snacks and other things for her future sister-in-law. My girlfriend was happy about it. Back in the room, we were getting ready to eat and watch a movie together. Then I looked around and noticed how messy and dirty the room was. To be fair, that mess was mine.

So I said maybe we should clean up before eating. She didn’t want to. She said we could clean after we ate, especially since she was already enjoying the food. That should have been a small thing, but for some reason I became irritated. I don’t know when I developed this bad habit, but sometimes I just get restless and annoyed for no clear reason.

She noticed my expression and picked up a broom to start sweeping. Then I saw that she had thrown a water bottle into the trash and told her to take it back out. That upset her. She threw the broom aside and sat down on the bed. Instead of backing off, I got angrier. Seeing her sit there on her phone, I snapped at her and told her that if she didn’t want to clean, she should go out and I’d do it myself.

I shouldn’t have said that. She didn’t know the area well and had nowhere to go.

But she went outside anyway.

I cleaned for a while, then gave up and lay down on the bed. After more than ten minutes, I decided to go find her. By then it was already dark outside. I found her sitting in front of a shop. Even then, I still hadn’t calmed down. I barked at her to get up. She didn’t move. Still angry, I told her to get up and said I would take her back if that’s what she wanted. Only then did she stand up.

Back in the yard, I told her to come inside, but she refused. She just stood by the car without moving. I could hear my supervisor’s voice somewhere nearby, so I went upstairs to get the keys. I took her with me, and on the way we ran into a former senior colleague who had already been transferred out. He asked where we were going. I told him, and he invited us not to leave and to come sit for a while with him instead. But my girlfriend was determined to go, so I drove her back.

On the road, I drove fast the entire way. On the mountain road I pushed the speed a little over 100. I was still agitated, and that made everything worse. We got to her workplace quickly. The moment she opened the door, she got out and walked away without even turning her head. I had no choice but to drive back alone.

After I returned, I felt awful and drank too much. It was after two in the morning when I got back to the dorm. Even then I still set an alarm, thinking I would get a little sleep and then go apologize to her in person. I got up before six and went to her workplace. No one was really up yet, and by then she had blocked me everywhere: phone, WeChat, QQ, Douyin, every way I had of contacting her.

Around the start of the workday, I slipped into her workplace and found her. She completely ignored me. I shamelessly kept trying to talk and apologize, but all she said was that we both needed a few days to cool off. She said I do this every time—that I assume she won’t stay angry, that after a little comforting the next day everything will fix itself and I won’t have to really deal with the problem. She also said the way I act makes me seem extreme.

Once it was almost time for work, I stopped bothering her and went back to my own unit.

Later, a friend called me and we talked for a while. He told me not to panic and not to rush to contact her again. No calls, no messages. Just let both sides calm down first. Then, after a few days, when emotions had settled, it would be better to reach out. He said going to find her this morning and trying to force a conversation would only make her more annoyed.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt he was right. Maybe we really do need some space to think things through. We’ve had many fights like this before, and the truth is I do have a serious problem with my temper. I get angry too easily, and every time it happens, I end up regretting it.