Hello, I’m back. Did you miss me—or are you at least a little surprised?

It had been a long time since my last blog update. Work was especially busy during the pandemic, and, to be honest, I was also being lazy. I kept telling myself I would write something later, and “later” stretched into two whole months. I originally planned to post something during the May Day holiday, but that was postponed too. Somehow, it has finally become today.

Suzhou went through two rounds of pandemic restrictions during that period. The first came in February, and only a few days after it seemed to be easing, the second one arrived. Much of the pressure came from the situation in Shanghai, so things kept going back and forth: just when community transmission appeared to have been cleared, another positive case would show up. Still, after seeing what Shanghai went through, it felt difficult for people in Suzhou to complain too much.

I was involved in the anti-pandemic effort from beginning to end, and along the way I witnessed plenty of unusual scenes. For example, one person from Shanghai tried to sneak into a residential compound in Suzhou by hiding in a car trunk. That is certainly an impressively creative plan—but was it actually comfortable in there? The trunk looked so cramped. Maybe I should try it someday...

Someone else rode a bicycle all the way to Suzhou and hid inside an unused building. That person must have had remarkable stamina, not to mention the ability to get past so many checkpoints. It was almost a case of everyone displaying their own special talent.

The people of Suzhou also changed visibly as the situation continued. At first, everyone was frightened, and the queues for testing were chaotic. Later, people became calm and the lines were orderly. It seemed that COVID-19 had gone from something as terrifying as a tiger to an annoying but manageable routine: just get tested every few days and carry on.

I started out as a volunteer, helping maintain order at testing sites. After receiving training and passing an exam, I eventually became a temporary member of the PPE-clad testing team. In other words, I graduated from organizing the queue to poking other people in the throat. At last, I could “poke” my way across the world. Hahahaha.

Once, I was sent to help at a residential compound under lockdown. Testing began at six in the morning. I stood beneath the apartment buildings with a loudspeaker, calling out:

Everyone, please come downstairs for your test! Time for the test! Come down for your test!

A little girl—no more than four or five years old—was brought downstairs by her mother, still bleary-eyed with sleep. The doctor leaned over and said, “Come on, open your mouth.”

The little girl opened her tiny mouth and went, “Ah—ah—ah.” Once the sample had been collected, she transitioned seamlessly into loud sobbing: “Waaah—waaah!” Then, while still crying, she even asked whether she sounded like a little wolf. She was impossibly cute.

Now for one final detail. If you are eating, you may want to skip the rest. Seriously: skip it. Skip it. Skip it.

The thing about throat swabs is that the cotton swab goes in white, but there is no guarantee it comes out the same color. Sometimes it is yellow. Sometimes pale green. Sometimes it has a few red streaks. Sometimes it is covered in bright, clear strands. And that is not even counting the bits of vegetables stuck to people’s teeth. The back of the throat can contain all kinds of strange surprises too.

Hahahaha. Sleep well.